Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
