Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
