I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish you could order shots online.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
