if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
