how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
