I cockslap morals
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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