ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
