awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
