We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
