i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
