Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
