i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
