Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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