fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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