If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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