You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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