your room smells of hookers.
And success
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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