DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
