The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
