I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
