First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
