Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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