people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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