mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
