hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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