Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
