chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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