every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All the doctor said was why
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
