I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
