I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Success! We fucked roommates!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
