Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
