i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
