Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
