I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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