Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
