im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
