I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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