Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
