So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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