Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
