i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
