If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize