we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
