today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
