I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
