fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
