I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
