Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
