Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Non-Jews are for practice
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
tell me about the eggs
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