I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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