my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've blown a few things in my day
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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