I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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