im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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