You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
