i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
