Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
