Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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