i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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