I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
