dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize