ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
