girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
