that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
