No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
