My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
