Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
