just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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