Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
