I bet he comes in French.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
