I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
