guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
