fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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