You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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