We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
