i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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