We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
