I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
