$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
