we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
