If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
