is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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