You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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