I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
