he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
me + whiskey = a bad person
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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