508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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