he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
