I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
