If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
