he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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