Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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