I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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