A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
