drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
