This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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