Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
