and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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