Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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