So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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