I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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