I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize