She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
