so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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