I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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