I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
