it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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