I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
