If i come over, it means nothing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
