I must be too annoying 4 u.
We named our party play list daddy issues
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
