I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
