do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize