tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
