I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
