Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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