I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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