I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
