walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
