Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
