sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
