party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
