Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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